The 8 Things Some Grown Men Fear In Prison

Cat. Yes, cats.

In this place they are the pet of choice. Most would pay as much as $100 for a freshly-weened kitten. Around the compound there are nearly 30 stray cats running around the compound which would explain the limited presence of rodents in the dorms. As adorable as they are, it would not be a wise idea to harm one, but there have been accidents where over-active kittens found themselves crushed by heavy metal doors closing behind an exiting or entering inmates inside the cells. Too many grown men have cried actual tears after accidentally crushing one of the adorable critters in the doors. The sight of a kitten in the throes of death after such an incident is not pretty and oddly, some hardcore inmates have been visibly shaken by such a gruesome scene.

All of that is said to question how could a grown man have such abject fear of the critters? The first time I saw a man actually cringe, turn and run from a cat, I found myself stuck between a burst of laughter and amazement. There’s something comedic about a 6 foot 3 inch man scurrying away from an overly friendly cat in search of a morsel of food.

Spiders

I have never been a fan of spiders, and whenever I came across one, I made it my aim to crush it. I have seen spiders big enough to back a mouse down, but to watch unquestionable killers flea in fright from the mere sight of an arachnid. The first time I bumped into a fleeing convict, I thought that he was being chased by armed men in pursuit of him. Instinctively, I moved out of his way, and prepared myself for a possible confrontation, but after seeing no mob of attackers in pursuit, I entered the room the guy had just fled from only to find a large spider on the wall across from me. I turned to look at the cowering man to confirm the source of his fear and he’s sweating and pointing at the spider while adamantly urging me to kill it! The sad sight of the man’s condition compelled me to grab a sandal and end the existence of the spider, if only to prevent inmates from seeing him in such a disheveled state.

The dark.

As a child, I recalled being scared of the dark and sometimes it took me holding onto my sibling’s hand to fall asleep at night. As a grown man, I can’t recall having any fear of the dark since elementary school, but I came across a man who had an unexplainable fear of the dark as a grown man. I used to periodically stop by his room to buy candy bars and no matter when I’d show up, the lights would be on and unhindered. For the most part, most cells lack proper lighting, but this particular cell was well lit, and stayed that way.

On one night I knocked on his door and asked if he’d like me to turn off the light. He jumped out of the bed in flash with a loud ‘No!” His bunkmate had awakened by that time and I was in shock as to his reaction. I looked at his bunkmate who simply shrugged his shoulders and then back at the man before backing out of the room and the awkward silence that ensued. Months later, I found myself in the same room with the man, and the first rule of the house was the lights. There was no way I was going to subject myself to psychological torture with a light that never goes off. Mind you, this man has had hundreds of roommates because of his chronic refusal to turn off the lights.

As he agreed to turn off the lights after lock down, I noticed that he never turned them off while the cell doors was still open. During the night, whenever I had to used the bathroom, he would open his eyes and watch my every move, and would not relax until I was back in the bunk. As soon as the doors were popped open in the morning, he would launch out of the bed and turn on the lights that stay on until he was out of the cell.

Getting stabbed

I was once in the hole with a guy who simply would not come out to general populations. He’d been in the hole for months and no matter what dorm they offered to put him in, he simply would not come out. After a couple of days in there with him, I finally asked him why he wouldn’t come out and he told me that he’d been stabbed before and one of the knife wounds was directly to his spine and it had left him temporarily paralyzed. He dreaded the thought of not being able to walk again so to prevent himself from being paralyzed, he rather stayed in the hole until he could go home. He feared being stabbed.

Moving dorms

I have encountered men in prison who hate having to change dorms and locales after getting settled in. With prison overcrowding, it’s not like the times when a person could get locked up and then return to the same housing unit and the same room a few months later. Nowadays, there’s no telling what environment one could find himself in. For that reason, most inmates fear having to move and get reacquainted to new people and places.

Learning to read/get your GED

There are inmates who fear learning to read and getting their GED. These phobias come mainly from fear of social reaction to their lack of education. Some of these men are well past the age when a high school education should be acquired, and they worry their prison status and reputation will suffer from the knowledge of their ignorance by other inmates.

Public embarrassment

I’m guessing that it’s due to low self-esteem or poor perception, but a lot of men behind these walls fear being publicly embarrassed. It’s hard to explain, but what most people would shrug off and laugh about, some inmates find to be grievously serious and will go as far as killing to prevent such embarrassment from occurring. They simply fear public embarrassment.

For the privilege of belonging to a certain gang, and being accepted by said gangs, I’ve witnessed some of the most gruesome of events that I will not get into describing. Often times some of the men involved in the act knew better and knew it to be dead wrong, but for the sake of belonging to something, went along with the aggressive and violent act nonetheless. When the opportunity came up for me to ask them why, their answer was normally simple. They didn’t want to be kicked out of the gang.

Freedom

I’ve known men who feared freedom. There are programs, not many, but a few that allow inmates to get their GED and be able to gain early release, and some have opted out to finish their sentence rather than earn credits to get an early release. They feared freedom and the responsibility that came with it.

There are men who act a certain way, or carry out certain acts to prevent exposure of past victimizations. Whatever their experiences might have been, these men took extra measures to have others forget their traumatic encounter by performing dastardly deeds themselves. Others fear gang victimization and become predators in order not to be preyed upon. I’ve seen fear make men run, fear has forced some to join gangs. I have my share of fears, but death will come before I change my faith because of fear. Fear drives most men behind these walls to do things that normal situations would not see them do. Fear is the true commissioner of the prison system.