Shakeil Price describes how surviving in prison requires fighting for freedom, health, dignity, and identity in a system he believes is designed to break him.
It’s a strong consensus among prisoners that we fear getting swallowed up by the system and dying in the belly of the beast. When you’re given a lengthy sentence (10 years or more), your only objective is to survive long enough to make it out. Take my situation, for example: I was sentenced to 75 years, and I’m not eligible for parole until 2077—at which point, I’ll be 97 years old. Under these circumstances, my main objective is surviving in prison long enough to make it to the other side of these barbed wires. Dying in prison would be a colossal disappointment, as my sole purpose is to reclaim my freedom and reunite with my family.
Learning to Fight Through the Legal System
In order to wrestle free from the long arm of the law, it’s crucial that I master the art of the legal system. Challenging the criminal justice system is a strenuous battle. Learning the rules of engagement in the legal arena is a grueling task—especially when you only have a high school education. With freedom as my motivation—on a $4 per day salary—I paid $800 for a Blackstone Paralegal course so I’ll be better equipped to fight my case.
Armed as a certified paralegal, I vigilantly use the appeals process in hopes of overturning my conviction. A successful legal battle increases the likelihood that I’ll be released before 2077. I’ve spent many nights combing over every single word that the judges, lawyers, and prosecutors uttered in my case. It’s a mind-numbing, meticulous mission, but it’s essential to my existence. It’s important that I make sure every single rule and regulation was properly adhered to in the process of depriving me of my life, my liberty, and my right to the pursuit of happiness. Any deviation from the law can potentially release me from the grips of the justice system. So, I desperately dig through 3,000 pages of transcripts like I’m digging for diamonds.
Staying Healthy Enough to Reach Freedom
The discipline I demonstrate to overcome the small battles along the way is all a tribute to my desire to preserve my life. I vigorously work out—even at the ripe age of 45. I stick to a strict diet and am in bed by 9 p.m. Good quality nourishment, exercise, and proper rest are the recipe for staying healthy for as long as possible. Unfortunately, I only have access to two of the three; good quality nourishment is scarce in prison. In an effort to endure, I purposefully avoid things that are counterproductive to my ultimate goal: surviving til freedom.
Others may choose to indulge in a lifestyle of death and destruction: self-medicating, gambling, and gang violence. These people are either trying to cope with the fear of dying behind bars or they’ve already succumbed to the pressure and realize that they can’t conquer this giant justice system.
Fighting for Every Right and Every Win
I fight! I fight so much that I’m tired of fighting. My fear of death has me fighting for my life, literally. Surviving in prison means I fight for my access to clean drinking water. I fight for my required recreation time, so I can have access to fresh air. I fight for my First Amendment right to free speech. I fight for visitation privileges. I fight for proper medical attention. And most of all, I fight for my human dignity and respect. With all of this fighting, I’m often exhausted. I still refuse to duck any bouts. Commissary shorts me a penny, and I fight for that too.
After serving 18 years in prison, I often feel like a loser, and I need these little wins to boost my morale and self-respect. I can’t take inhumane treatment lying down. I meet it head on, face to face. My life is worth fighting for, and the things I continue to fight for are vital for my continued existence.
When Prison Kills a Person’s Identity
I’ve witnessed fellow inmates die, and their deaths further intensify the reality that this place is designed to kill you. It’s designed to kill your spirit. It’s designed to kill you mentally, and most importantly of all, it’s designed to kill your identity.
The gradual death of a person’s mind is a dreadful thing to witness. Over an extended period of time, like the steady drip of water that causes a solid rock to crack, prison life eradicates your personality, causing you to break. When you kill the personality of a person, you kill their essence. I put emphasis on the identity aspect, because once a person’s identity is gone, you can mold them into the character/caricature that you desire them to be. Whether it’s a house nigger, stool pigeon, or turncoat, these types of people are only a shell of their prior selves. With no morals, values, or principles to stand on, their foundation is weather-beaten, and they’re dead on the inside.
I’m scared of this kind of death even more than a physical death. Having your personality and identity stripped from you is a disgraceful death that repeatedly causes dishonor upon your name. As the saying goes, “A coward dies a thousand deaths, but a brave man dies but once.”
Surviving in Prison Without Breaking
If I’m fortunate enough to survive til freedom, this will confirm that I didn’t break. I stood tall and remained honorable in a system that was designed to kill me. For that reason, I’m scared to die in prison, because my death here will make me a loser—a victim in my battle against the brutal justice system.
