I was following my dream to become a great actor/writer and filmmaker. Acting was a way to escape my abusive childhood. I was sexually molested by three individuals as a child and becoming different characters was a way of defeating that painful past. A way of destroying those horrible monsters of my youth.
I earned my Screen Actor’s Guild card by working on some films. I even made an independent film entitled “Spiritual Warfare” which is released on Youtube under my name. I was doing some good things.
Then, back in 1996, I committed a horrible crime that I’m forever remorseful for. Something that I wish I could change. But sadly I can’t. I can’t change all the pain I caused so many, due to my actions. My crime landed me in the penitentiary behind the razor wire with a double life sentence.
Depression consumed my mind, heart and soul. My life seemed worthless. All dreams seemed to end in prison. For in Pennsylvania, a life sentence in prison is a “death by incarceration” prison sentence. You leave in a body bag, unless you get your sentence overturned or if you’re granted clemency after decades of staying out of trouble, which includes a good prison record, programs and education. Which I’ve done for decades. Something that I will continue to do, as I hope and dream for a second chance back into society.
I found hope and purpose through writing, acting, directing and staging my own plays behind bars. In fact, I’ve staged almost a hundred plays since my incarceration.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly remorseful for the crime that I committed and all the hurt, pain and heartache that I’ve caused so many. Words can’t express my sincere remorse. I try to change my crime in my head over and over again, wishing I made a different choice on that dark day of insanity. But I can’t.
Around May of 2016, a man named Trevor Drake started a creative writing workshop at SCI Graterford. It would become a wonderful experience for me. In our workshop with about ten residents from SCI Graterford, Trevor had us write our own original short One Act short plays for the workshop.
We all worked hard on our short plays. Rewriting and rewriting for perfection. Then Trevor announced that we would all be staging our plays for the prison population and the prison staff at the end of the workshop.
When we did perform all of our original plays, they all were well received with a standing ovation. In fact, my original play that I wrote for the workshop, “I’m Here for You” was submitted to the Pen America Prison Writing Contest and became a 2019 PEN America winner. It was a tremendous honor for me.
Trevor also announced to our Creative Writing Workshop, that he would be back in six months to start a Shakespeare workshop with our group. We all were filled with immense excitement at the thought of attending a Shakespeare workshop and staging a Shakespeare production for outside guests, staff and the prison population. We were like children on Christmas morning, riding the cloud nine of excitement.
There was one huge problem though. SCI Graterford was on the verge of closing down to make way for a state of the art new massive institution to end the SCI Graterford way. The $8million construction of SCI Phoenix prison was almost completed. So that put everything at a stand still.
When SCI Graterford was closed down two months later, we all were transferred to SCI Phoenix. It was a massive three day transfer that occurred around the clock to finish the move fast and furious.
SCI Phoenix was a different world for those who were housed at the wide open SCI Graterford. SCI Phoenix is heavily security-minded. The things one could get away with at Graterford can’t be done at Phoenix. For me, it was no problem since SCI Phoenix is similar to SCI Coal Township, which I spent 18 years of my incarceration. I made the adjustment with ease. Many struggled and ended up in the hole, or the twist (RHU), the Restrictive Housing Unit or were transferred out to another institution.
SCI Graterford was closer to life out in society with all its movements, programs, education and activities. Everything was there, including all the bad things prison has to offer. SCI Phoenix moves slowly. There’s cameras everywhere. Buttons to push to get from one location to another. Without patience, one could end up in a world of misery. One’s mindset has to be changed. With that, things will go so much better. I guess, smooth as ice.
We had to wait almost six months more before programs began again for all of us that were transferred from SCI Graterford to SCI Phoenix. It was about a year when outside volunteers were granted permission to start coming into the institution when things started to function as a normal prison. It took that long for staff to get used to this high-tech, state of the art $8 million dollar new facility.
We could only hope, pray and wait for Trevor Drake to come into SCI Phoenix to start the Shakespeare program. We were concerned that all the new challenges and difficulties would change Trevor’s mindset even starting the workshop. So we waited.
Then, after a year, Trevor informed us through the Educational Department that he was coming to start the Shakespeare workshop. We were excited and the only way I could describe this feeling, is a feeling of being free, even for just a short amount of time. I guess, it’s the feeling of being free from within.
On a March afternoon, everyone in the Trevor Drake Creative Writing Workshop at SCI Graterford was issued passes to go to the Educational Building to attend the Shakespeare Workshop. We rushed to get there to see our friend Trevor again. We entered the classroom, seeing Trevor with another younger slim man standing by his side.
Trevor smiled when he saw us all. I gave Trevor a friendly handshake and then a hearty hug. This man had been a great influence in my life. He believed in us all. He brought the best out of us all. Trevor believes in redemption for the human heart, condition and soul. He really enjoyed helping us all to become better writers, actors and human beings. Trevor believed that education is a great form of redemption.
I reached out my hand towards the other man standing by Trevor’s side. This man’s eyes were peaceful. I knew right away this man believed in the same cause that Trevor believed in. Redemption through the Arts. We shook hands and greeted each other. Then we all took our seats to begin our Shakespeare workshop. A workshop that took about a year to start with all of the roadblocks and obstacles that came our way. But, here we were. Finally.
As an actor before my incarceration, I acted in many plays. Plays like, “Death of a Salesman,” “Our Town,” “Arsenic and Old Lace” and “Harvey.” Then I was cast in my first Shakespeare play ever at the Colonial Theatre in Delaware County, outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Colonial Theatre is a local community theater in that area. Here I was at the age of twenty-eight, back in 1988, preforming in my first Shakespeare production. This was a huge and grand production of “Richard the 3rd” and I was cast as the 1st Murderer, an assassin, who was ordered to kill Clarence by Richard’s command.
The director said, “I’m perfect to play an assassin.” I didn’t know how to take that. But, portraying this assassin was a huge task for me. Trying to put to memory all of that dialogue that I wasn’t use to. Especially, growing up with some learning difficulties and an abusive childhood.
But I became Richard’s assassin. I had a wonderful time developing this character to my personality. I was this character on the stage as Clarence was stabbed to death. The customs and the set for the stage were impressive, especially, for a community theater production. It was an amazing experience as I acted in my first Shakespeare play. Something I’m very proud of.
Trevor introduced the other man with him, Dan Hodge of Philadelphia Collective Artists, an equity theater company in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. A theater company that he is the owner of. Dan informed us that he has staged over fifty professional Shakespeare plays as a director and professional actor. The workshop moved with immense joy when Dan said that. This was going to be an awesome experience. Trevor and Dan handed all of us in the workshop a Shakespeare Sonnet to read out loud in front of the workshop. Each of us all had a different Sonnet. This was to get us all familiar with the Shakespearean language.
I was given Sonnet 29 to read to the group.
When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, curse my fate Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed.
Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented lease;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising.
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sing hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
Sonnet 29 made me think about my personal life. My personal deep-rooted pain. My anger and my jealous thoughts towards individuals of my past that have left me behind in the cage. I struggled with that immensely.
It took me years to let go of those thoughts of friends from long ago who have abandoned me. I realize it’s all part of the prison experience. I’m just grateful for the ones that have stood by my side. Some are long gone into the next life. Others who’ve forgiven me are still standing with me. For that, I’m a truly blessed man. I guess true love has no bounds.
Trevor and Dan started the process for us to learn more about Shakespeare’s writings. To feel and understand these strange words that we never spoke out of our mouths. To internalize the language of Shakespeare’s words. Just like internalizing the Holy Bible and it’s meaning. We had to study the language.
For weeks the workshop on every Monday and Thursday afternoons, we went into depth, reading and studying scenes from Shakespeare’s plays. We acted out scenes from “Hamlet,” “King Lear,” “Othello,” “Macbeth” and “The Tempest.” Scene by scene trying to understand the motive of the characters in the scene. Taking the scene word by word, moment by moment. Grasping proper stage movements and blocking, not upstaging the other actors. Gaining the understanding of the body language in a Shakespeare play. Pronouncing words correctly. Projecting our voices properly, even when we all individually had long monologues from one of Shakespeare’s plays in front of the whole worksop.
I had to perform this monologue from “Macbeth”.
Macbeth: She should have died hereafter; There would have been a time for such a word: To-morrow, and tomorrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time: And all our yesterdays, have lightned fools, The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle. Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury. Signifying nothing.
I became engulfed in the scene as “Macbeth” learned about his wife, “Lady Macbeth” and her suicidal death. It became a real experience for me. For I thought about some of my loved ones that committed suicide. I guess I used the Method technique that I learned in acting classes decades ago when I would travel to New York by an Amtrak train from Philadelphia to New York City once a week for over a year. I also studied the Method technique (Acting inside out) in Philadelphia at the old Actor’s Center at 5th & Market Street.
I became “Macbeth” in the scene. I related to this character in so many ways. I was drawn to this character. Becoming this character came with ease for me for some reason.
Trevor and Dan announced that the workshop was ready to stage a full-length production of one of Shakespeare’s plays. The workshop was in jubilation. The play chosen by Trevor and Dan was “Macbeth.” My heart jumped. In fact, all the men in the workshop were extremely excited. We were ready to act. I was ready to act.
I was chosen to portray the title role of “Macbeth.” A dream come true, even being a lifer behind bars. I knew I had to work hard to be the best I could be.
“Stars hide your fires; let no light see my black and deep desires.” – Macbeth
I studied hard to put to memory thousands of lines of dialogue for our production. Pounding those lines of dialogue to memory. I had only two months before the production dates for staff and the prison population.
I wanted to be great like I never wanted anything else in my life. Prison didn’t matter to me. My mind was beyond the razor wire. It was like I was performing in a professional theater out in society. I wanted it so bad, I could taste it with each coming day towards the performance dates. The whole cast could taste it. We all wanted to stage a great version of “Macbeth” at SCI Phoenix.
Some men were cast to play female parts in the play, just like when Shakespeare productions were originally staged at the Globe Theatre South of the Thames in England.
Some of the men backed out of the production and the workshop before we started rehearsing “Macbeth” because of the thought of a man portraying a woman’s character in the play. They didn’t feel comfortable, especially staging a play in a male prison playing women roles. Still, some men took on the challenge with no fear and the thoughts of others. Eli Goodrich agreed to play Lady Macbeth. One of the directors, Trevor Drake would portray Lady Macduff. Walter Engle, Jamie Mills and Angel Reyes were chosen to play the witches.
I studied and studied to lock down all of my lines in the play. Even staying up late at night pounding the dialogue into my brain. Feeling it in my soul. As a method actor, I started to go deep into the psyche of Macbeth, trying to find ways that I could relate to this character as he started to fall deeper and deeper into madness.
I, myself, fell deeper and deeper into madness when my wife started having an affair on me. At times, I wasn’t a good husband to her. I didn’t pay her the proper attention that she deserved. I was striving for success, just like Macbeth. Maybe, being sexually and physically abused as a child multiple times, brought me to that point of madness.
My wife’s affair was the trigger. I’ve always been a spiritual person. I believe in God. Still, just like Macbeth, I’ve always been fascinated with the supernatural. I fell into a state of insanity. This is why I’m incarcerated today. It’s no excuse for my crime that hurt so many. This is why I can relate to Macbeth’s character so easily.
Our production was going to be grand. We had customs and props. We even learned sword fighting techniques for the fight scenes in the play. Dan Hodge worked with the whole cast to get a feel of sword fighting on the stage. Especially in the final scene between Macbeth and Macduff, Thane of Fife, which was portrayed brilliantly by Benjamin Cooper.
We had six scheduled performances for staff, the prison population and now some outside volunteers were given permission to see our production. Performance days felt amazing, like we weren’t even incarcerated. When we staged a performance, it was like prison didn’t even exist to us. We were free men.
Then, suddenly our performances were over. There was an empty void in our souls. We wanted to stage a performance everyday, if we could. We wanted to stay in the Shakespeare theater world and not the reality of the day in and day out prison life grind. It was a heartfelt loss when our play ended. Like a death of a dear family member, friend or loving pet dog or cat.
Trevor and Dan announced that they would be back in six months to stage another Shakespeare play for the workshop. We were even more excited. We couldn’t wait for their return. Shakespeare was now in our blood.
After six months, passes were handed out to the men in the Shakespeare workshop and we all rushed to the education building like a child on Christmas morning. When we got to the Shakespeare Workshop classroom, we all hugged Trevor and Dan like long lost friends. Trevor and Daniel announced that we would be staging “Julius Caesar” next. Joy filled the classroom.
I was cast to portray “Julius Caesar” in our next production. I was so honored Trevor and Dan picked me for the title role. All the other men were honored to play “Brutus’ and the other parts.
Trevor and Dan also announced that they were granted permission to bring some outside professional actors and an actress to portray “Calpurnia”, the wife of Caesar. This was some cool stuff to work with professional people. The institution granted Trevor, Dan and the Shakespeare workshop double performances compared to our last production of “Macbeth.” This was amazing for us in the workshop. Our next production was going to be grand and bigger.
“I could-be moved, if I were as you! If I could pray to move, prayers would move me! But I am constant as the Northern Star, of whose true-fixed and resting quality there is no fellow in the firmament. The skies are painted with unnumber’d sparks. They are all fire and every one doth shine. But there’s but one in all doth hold his place; So in the world; ’tis furnish’d well with men. And men are flesh and blood, and apprehensive; Yet in the number I do know but one. That unassailable holds on his rank, Unshaked of motion: and that I am he, Let me a little show it, even in this; That I was constant Cimber should be banished, And constant do remain to keep him so.” — Julius Caesar
We had better costumes and props for our production of “Julius Caesar.” We dressed like Romans. We spoke like Romans. We had weapons that Romans used during the Great Roman Empire. We rehearsed two nights a week for months. Enjoying every second of our rehearsals. We had our lines down pat. We had the demeanor of Romans. The cast was ready to stage another Shakespeare production. The best production yet.
Trevor and Dan decided to stage “Macbeth” and “Julius Caesar,” very violent plays, for redemption and educational reasons. A comedy would be in our future. That was their long-term goal as the Shakespeare at SCI Phoenix workshop would grow into something greater. But, for now, it was time to stage “Julius Caesar.”
And that’s when Covid-19 shut everything down, like everything else around the world. Our production of “Julius Caesar” was closed down. In fact, all programs, visits and volunteer programs were closed down. We were heartbroken and devastated. Our production of Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar” was not meant to be. We all worked so hard and we never achieved our final goal to stage this wonderful play. A play about history. Our world stood still. The whole world stood still.
People were dying by the hundreds and by the thousands everyday around the whole world due to this horrible pandemic. People were dying at SCI Phoenix from this disease. Some of these individuals were good friends of ours in this prison. Men I personally knew for years. Then, so suddenly, they were gone into the next life.
I needed to realize the cold reality facing us instead of being so selfish that we couldn’t stage our play. We did just that. Our world changed. Everything around the world changed. Covid did just that. Death was everywhere. Staying alive is way more important than a stage production.
Trevor Drake and Dan Hodge haven’t returned to SCI Phoenix yet. It’s been over two years since Covid occurred. Trevor and Dan may never return again into SCI Phoenix. We can only hope they will someday.
Volunteers are slowly returning back into the institution. Educational and volunteer programs have been starting again at a slow and careful pace.
Hopefully, the Shakespeare at SCI Phoenix Workshop rises up from the ashes and resumes again. But, if not, I’m grateful for the Shakespeare experience that was given to me, even in a penitentiary setting. It was amazing. It was powerful. It was educational. A taste of freedom in my heart, mind and in my soul.
Thank you, Shakespeare at SCI Phoenix. The experience made me a better actor, writer, director and more importantly, a better human being. I gained new friendships there. That’s a gift in itself. The experience gave me new hope, purpose and sincere meaning. I felt redeemed from my past.
I still long for the Shakespeare at SCI Phoenix Workshop experience again. I pray that opportunity comes my way in the upcoming future. It was one of the greatest experiences in my life working with all those wonderful individuals striving for the same goal of greatest. Even for me, being locked away from society for something I’m forever remorseful for.
Shakespeare made me feel alive again. It was great. It was grand indeed.
–Larry Stromberg
