Richard Gross, serving a life sentence, reflects on transformation, purpose, and finding meaningful life in prison after years of anger and loss.
One of the volunteers who leads a writing workshop at SCI Phoenix went on a hiking vacation to Alberta, Canada. Jean didn’t know that a forest fire had devastated much of the park. The ranger recommended the Valley of the Five Lakes hike.
“But isn’t that area destroyed?”
“Go anyway, you might learn something.”
From Incinerator to Incubator
The forest had been devastated, and what trees remained were on their side. It was a wasteland at first glance, but no. There was lime green moss growing out of tree trunks. The magenta blossoms of fireweed were all around. Sprouts and shoots of every kind dotted the devastated landscape. A forest gone but a meadow emerging; wildflowers and plants not seen under the shade of the canopy now burst forth. From incinerator to incubator, the creative destruction of the fire transformed the area. Matter is never destroyed, only transformed into a different state by fire, water, ice, or some other force such as man.
A Life Sentence After the Fire
A quarter century ago I burned down my life. Crazy, angry, hurt, and confused, I blew up my forest. Devastated it. Didn’t care what happened to me. Told the public defender that it didn’t matter if I got a life sentence or death. My life was over!
“If I ain’t ever gonna walk outta here, then what the hell difference does it make?”
At first glance, prison is a wasteland. There are no trees, bushes, or plants. Outdoor surfaces are mostly concrete or dirt. Indoor surfaces are dirty concrete. Many of the incarcerated people are wasted.
What Happens After the Disaster?
So what happens now after the fire? After the disaster, divorce, defeat, or failure. After the crime, the loss, the incarceration. After the gut-wrenching realization that every decision I ever made was motivated by arrogance and was wrong, so wrong, Dead wrong.
Finding Life During a Life Sentence
Life without parole is a death sentence, but there is life after a life sentence. I’ve found more positive people in prison than I knew on the street. I’ve found positive, therapeutic activities such as writing. I have to admit, I got a good little life here.
