Abandonment and neglect were always the two biggest elements that created my pain. I say this because my father chose to love women over his children and my mother chose to love a guy over her son. As a man now, I can’t help but think to myself as I watch movies about families making it.
I think how there have been men such as myself who can’t wait to be a father. I believe if it’s in you to be a parent, it’s there always. With this being said, I constantly wonder how could I be this way with children with parents who decided to not see me. I mean I was an awesome kid and I could do so many things, things that no one could ever appreciate from a child because they never got to see them.
My grandmother was the one person who always encouraged me the way a mother and father should but, she wasn’t there 24/7 because she had a family as well. She was the one person who always believed I could be and would be more than I thought possible.
I wondered as I began to have relationships if someone could truly love me. I thought hell, my mother chose not to be here so what would make someone else? If I’m not worthy of my mother’s love, how can I ask someone with a straight face to deem me worthy of theirs? My relationships seemed to be like staying in apartments and I was a guest. We all know at some point a guest will be asked to leave. That seemed to be my only story every time I had a relationship with someone. It was like it was just a matter of time before I was getting an eviction notice.
Have you ever daydreamed of a life with someone but you knew it’ll only exist inside that daydream? I mean, daydreaming something so vividly and realizing no longer than a second after the daydreams completion that it’ll never happen. That was pretty much how I’d feel in relationships. It was like a countdown until failure. That created a pain that was as constant as my heartbeat… a pain that was a vehicle that I drove. Those who said they love me would always accompany me by riding shotgun and being my navigation system. They’d point me in each direction right up until I had a life altering head on collision with heartbreak. I never noticed if they jumped out of the car before this happened or if their airbags deployed. All I knew was I suffered the same fate once again. It’s a fate that you seem destined to know intimately, passionately until you no longer can feel emotion.
It seems crazy to be able to say I no longer feel that way because of a few words.
In November 2020 that all changed in extraordinary fashion. I met my now fiancee and we had multiple phone conversations. In these conversations, I poured my heart out about being wrongfully convicted and being neglected since childhood. I spoke about the relationships I had that never went anywhere and left me where she’d found me. I’d basically given up on love and felt if I were to have children, it’d be an agreed upon thing between me and a woman I chose to bare my child.
That was until she happened. She not only happened but she came in the form of what can only be considered a dream. She told me I was worthy of love and when I said, ”But everyone leaves me baby’,” she simply said, ”Darius, the ones who were meant to Love you will Stay.” It wasn’t just the meaning of the words. It was the depth of such words. They were as pure and beautiful as a newborn’s first smile.They had so much power that it shocked me and scared me at the same time.
They gave me so much clarity as well. It’s amazing how words can have so much meaning once they are conveyed to you. What I learned shortly after was the words had such a massive presence because of who they came from. She was the right person at the right time to say the right words. It’s remarkable because I might be the only man to say that a woman is his Prince Charming and Knight in shining armor. Her and the three children we have are the family I could only pray for and hope God answered. Well God did and I say children we have because to marry her is to marry into the responsibility of being a father.A responsibility I take great pride in providing because I love them more every moment of everyday.You know I saw myself literally dying and it being the same reflection of my life up until I met her. Now I think more about dying once I’ve filled the chapters that reside inside the book that is my life.
This is because as my dear fiancee said, “The ones who were meant to Love you will Stay”.
By Darius Harris
#241646


3 Comments
Fuck that dude. I’m here to tell you I’m proud of you two and I’m finally glad there’s some hope. I met my fiance in prison. And he’s almost home. It’s been the years now, and I’ve been out for one. It’s horrifying. But it’s the most meaningful and genuine part of my life. Both of us were never allowed to be part of society. Autistic and gay? Shit… Then thrown in for six years without any say at all. Just get rid of the faggots. There is hope. And the horrible reality of Texas prisons in particular is indescribable! And it’s the law! And their all conditioned to hate you and make you fight for your life everyday because they all read the same fucking book! You shouldn’t be able to fucking do that to people man! What the fuck?! The guards are not better off than us. Just farmers who have no choice but to work in prisons named after Confederate judges with descendents of old plantation owners. All the towns have nothing but collapsed buildings and farms. They don’t have a choice any more than we do. And they legislated it! You don’t do that to people! And when you get out… Everyone f fucking hates you. And you can’t tell anyone about it without them freaking out and telling you to shut up. You’re always surrounded by bars you can’t see or touch… No matter where you are. The ONLY time I ever feel free, are for those two hours every two weeks. Even though it’s through the glass, I can still feel the vibration his fingertips make on it. One time he laughed and spit a piece of food on the glass, and I tried to wipe it off. And we laughed even harder. Don’t ever let anyone tell your shit. Y’all can sit whatever the fuck you want. Love is everything.
Here’s his information the article left out.
On March 19, 2006, at 10:35 p.m., police received a call reporting the death of Haitham Asad at the local convenience store he owned in Covington, Kentucky. Police found a .380 shell casing at the scene of the crime and determined Asad died from a gunshot wound to the head caused by a bullet fired from a .380 caliber gun.
Amanda Bishop testified she was walking towards the convenience store on the night of the murder to buy a soda when she heard raised voices and saw two men, one black and one white, in the store arguing with Asad. Bishop identified the black man, who was tall, had an afro and was wearing a black puffy jacket with fur on the hood, as Harris. She stated she knew Harris from the neighborhood and was certain he was the black man she saw in the store that night, arguing with and pointing a gun at Asad. At one point, Bishop testified, she heard Harris yell at Asad, “You owe me.” Bishop was unsure of the other man’s identity but suggested it may have been James Eckler, a man who often associated with Harris. (It was later determined, however, that it could not have been Eckler, who was serving time in jail the night of Asad’s murder.) Seeing the argument escalate, Bishop turned away to return home, at which point she saw a flash from the corner of her eye and heard a shot. Bishop later told the police she then ran straight home, but she testified at trial that she actually hid behind a nearby retaining wall with her coat over her head to avoid detection. From this position, Bishop claimed she saw the men run from the store, with Harris running across the street towards a residential area and the other man running up into the woods. During cross-examination, Bishop admitted she is agoraphobic, which causes her to become dizzy, disoriented and panicked in public places, and that she was on several medications in March of 2006.
Douglas Cornett, who also knew Harris, testified he saw a gold Pontiac he thought belonged to Harris in the area near the time of the murder, though Cornett never saw the driver of the car. Shortly after seeing the car, Cornett was walking near the convenience store and heard popping noises. Cornett stated he then saw two people running from the store and, though he could only make out their silhouettes, he believed the very tall man with the bushy hair was Harris.1 Cornett did not report what he saw until he heard Crime Stoppers was offering a reward for information; Cornett was paid $700.00 for his information. On cross-examination, Cornett admitted he often provides the police with information on crimes in exchange for money. He further admitted he was heavily using drugs in March 2006 and changed his story several times in this case. When asked about the different versions of the story, Cornett acknowledged that he had lied to police in earlier conversations.
Steven Lowe, an inmate of the Kenton County jail, testified Harris confessed to him that he had killed Asad. Lowe claims he was serving food on the ninth floor of the jail when he saw Harris in one of the temporary holding cells near the deputy’s station. Lowe said that, though he had not seen Harris in a couple of years, they knew each other from the neighborhood. Lowe claims he asked Harris why he was in jail, to which Harris replied he had accidentally shot a store clerk during a robbery. Lowe told police this conversation took place in September 2008. In exchange for this testimony, the United States Attorney’s office agreed to recommend a sentence of less than ten years on federal charges pending against Lowe, which was less than the statutory minimum; Lowe would have otherwise faced a possible life sentence. Harris testified he had never before met or spoken with Lowe. Kim Roberts, a police officer who worked on housing inmates at the Kenton County jail, testified that, contrary to Lowe’s testimony, neither Harris nor Lowe was in the Kenton County jail in September 2008, both having been transferred to other facilities much earlier in the year. She testified that both men were housed on the ninth floor in December 2008. Records for the jail showed Harris was regularly housed on the tenth floor of the jail and was only on the ninth floor for one day in 2006 and for one day in 2008. There was no record of Harris ever being in the temporary holding cell near the deputy’s station on either of those days, though Roberts testified it was possible Harris could have been placed there briefly during the move without it being noted in the record. At trial, Harris was allowed to cross-examine Lowe and Roberts extensively. He raises no issue on appeal about either witness.
Covington police brought Harris in for questioning on March 23, 2010, four days after the shooting, and contemporaneously obtained and executed a search warrant at his house. Harris cooperated with the police during the interview, including telling them where his .380 handgun was located in the house. The results of the search included the .380 handgun, a clip containing .380 ammunition, and a box of .380 bullets. During his interview with police, Harris changed his story about his whereabouts on March 19 several times. Eventually he claimed he spent the evening of Asad’s murder eating dinner with his brother and girlfriend, stopping by a gas station to buy gas and donuts, dropping off his brother at their mother’s house and then returning home, where he remained the rest of the night. Harris said he did see the police lights at the convenience store that night but assumed the store had been robbed again. Harris claimed he did not know Asad had been killed until the following day, when he heard the news from a friend. Harris’s girlfriend testified she and Harris spent the evening just as Harris indicated, though she did smoke a blunt and fall asleep at some point during the night.
Video surveillance footage from a local Shell station, whose timestamp was accurate within three to five minutes, shows Harris, wearing a dark puffy jacket with a fur-lined hood, at the gas station from approximately 10:09 p.m. to 10:18 p.m. the night of Asad’s murder. Harris never volunteered this information to the police but, when confronted with the proof, conceded he did visit the Shell station that night near the time of the murder.
At trial, the jury heard testimony from Bishop, Cornett and Lowe as well as Asad’s wife, Tina Asad. She testified about her husband, his convenience store business and that it was not unusual for him to borrow around $300.00 from her when he was having difficulty meeting the rent payment for his store. She also testified that three or four days prior to the shooting he asked to borrow $800.00, but he did not say why he needed the money.
Harris testified in his defense and denied any involvement in the murder of Asad. He claimed he often frequented the convenience store, considered Asad a friend and was saddened to hear of his death. Harris reiterated that he spent the evening having dinner and buying gas and donuts with his brother and girlfriend, driving his brother home and then returning home with his girlfriend, where he played video games the rest of the night. Harris admitted he went to the Shell station to visit with friends and buy cigarettes but claimed he went directly home after he left the gas station.
There were no prints on the .380 handgun found in Harris’s home. The police located another .380 handgun, which belonged to Harris, in the Cincinnati Police Department property room. According to Harris, he legally purchased both guns several years earlier and gave this second gun to his then-fiancee. Both guns were tested and it was determined that neither of the .380 guns was the murder weapon. Additionally, Harris’s prints were not among those lifted from the scene, but there was gunshot residue on the sleeve of Harris’s dark puffy jacket with a fur-lined hood, which he wore to the interview with police.
In Harris’s first two trials the juries deadlocked, and Harris was tried for a third time on November 2—4, 2010. This third jury found Harris guilty of murder, and in accordance with the jury’s recommendation, the trial judge sentenced him to forty years in prison. On appeal, Harris raises the previously noted claims of error. We begin with his first claim, that the trial court erred by admitting the two .380 handguns Harris owned, which were similar to the murder weapon but were not used to commit the crime.
ANALYSIS
This Court reviews allegedly erroneous evidentiary rulings for abuse of discretion. Commonwealth v. English, 993 S.W.2d 941, 945 (Ky.1999). The test for an abuse of discretion “is whether the trial judge’s decision was arbitrary, unreasonable, unfair, or unsupported by sound legal principles.” Id. Absent such abuse, this Court will not disturb a trial court’s decision to admit evidence. Anderson v. Commonwealth, 231 S.W.3d 117 (Ky.2007). If the trial court errs, this Court may still determine that the error is harmless pursuant to RCr 9.24 and the standards set forth in Winstead v. Commonwealth, 283 S.W.3d 678 (Ky.2009).
I. Guns That Were Not Used in the Crime Were Not Admissible But the Error Was Harmless.
The trial court admitted the two .380 handguns owned by Harris on the grounds that they tended to show Harris preferred and was familiar with this type of weapon. Testing showed and it was stipulated at trial that neither weapon was used in the murder of Asad. Harris objected in the trial court to the admission of these guns, claiming they were irrelevant and prejudicial, a position he maintains on appeal. Evidence is relevant if it has “any tendency to make the existence of any fact that is of consequence to the determination of the action more probable or less probable than it would be without the evidence.” Kentucky Rule of Evidence (KRE) 401. Evidence that is not relevant is not admissible. KRE 402. Evidence that is relevant may still be excluded where the danger of undue prejudice substantially outweighs its probative value. KRE 403.
Weapons may be admitted where there is a possible connection to the crime but that connection is not definitively established. In Sweatt v. Commonwealth, 550 S.W.2d 520 (Ky.1977), the Court admitted a gun found in the defendant’s bedroom that matched the victim’s description of the gun used in the crime, though the gun could not definitely be identified as the weapon used in the crime. In Barth v. Commonwealth, 80 S.W.3d 390 (Ky.2001), the Court admitted wooden window slats whose size and shape matched marks on the victim’s body, though the victim was blindfolded during the attack and could not identify the weapons used. And in Grundy v. Commonwealth, 25 S.W.3d 76 (Ky.2000), the Court admitted a piece of concrete the victims claimed to have found near the scene of the crime, though it could not be conclusively ascertained the concrete was used in the crime. In all of these cases, it was possible the weapon was used in the crime and there was sufficient identification and nexus to justify admitting the weapon.
Weapons that are known to have no connection to the crime, however, are generally not admissible. Major v. Commonwealth, 177 S.W.3d 700 (Ky.2005). In Major, the defendant killed his wife with a pistol but the pistol was never recovered. The trial court permitted the Commonwealth to introduce a handgun, a shotgun and a rifle that were owned by the defendant but were not used in the crime. This Court reversed, holding the guns were not admissible “absent evidence that any of the firearms were involved in the murder.” Id. at 710. Courts in other jurisdictions have also held that weapons not involved in the crime are inadmissible. Similar to this case, in Commonwealth v. Marshall, 743 A.2d 489 (Pa.Super.Ct.1999), the Pennsylvania Superior Court held the defendant’s nine millimeter handgun, which was the same caliber as the murder weapon, was not admissible because it was not used in the commission of the crime. The court explained that in cases where it is shown the weapon was not used in the crime, the weapon is irrelevant and, consequently, inadmissible. Id. at 492. The Marshall court noted, “the only purpose that was served by the admission of the handgun was to prejudice appellant.” Id. at 494. The California Supreme Court has also held that weapons not used in the commission of the crime are not admissible, even where the weapon is of the same make or model as that used in the crime. People v. Riser, 47 Cal.2d 566, 305 P.2d 1 (1956) overruled inpart on other grounds by People v. Morse, 60 Cal.2d 631, 36 Cal.Rptr. 201, 388 P.2d 33 (1964). In Riser, the victims were killed with a .38 revolver, which was never recovered, and the state sought to introduce two .38 caliber guns recovered from the defendant. Id. The California Supreme Court held the guns were inadmissible because it was determined the bullets found at the scene could not have come from those guns. Id. at 577, 305 P.2d 1. The Riser Court explained it would be error to admit such evidence because it “tends to show, not that [the defendant] committed the crime, but only that he is the sort of person who carries deadly weapons,” which is not valid grounds for admission. Id. Similarly, in Green v. State, 27 So.3d 731 (Fla.Dist.Ct.App.2010), the victim was shot with a .380 caliber handgun and the police recovered three .380 caliber handguns from the defendant’s home. Id. Because forensic testing showed that none of the guns was the murder weapon, the Court held the guns were inadmissible. Id.
I love you so much baby, I will always be there for you. And yes the ones who were meant to love you will stay. Je t’aime !