Jeffery Shockley describes how serving a life sentence in prison changes the meaning of time itself, shifting it from a familiar rhythm of daily routines into a perpetual existence without breaks, vacations, or anticipated endings.
We’re born with the ambition or incentive to live as much life as we can without a beleaguered sense of our concept of time. Years tick by, counted in birthdays, anniversaries, and how old a person was when they died.
My mistakes have made time take a new meaning. My life has become time. I remember in school, waiting for the bell to ring, signaling the end of the school day, time to play. At work, the end of the shift coming, and leaving to go home. There was an elation at the end of a certain time behind the confines of school or work. Being able to get away until time to go back.
Living a Life Sentence in Prison
I’m 26 years in on a life sentence—death by incarceration. At 63 years of age, this perpetual time offers no amenities, vacations, or anticipation of an end like for school or a work day. Time is now life. No break or chance to get away to start anew. Watching life tick by in seasons. Corrections staff getting promoted, short-timers making parole, some returning, repeatedly.
Time Under a Life Sentence
As precious as time was, I didn’t imagine how foolishly I lived life in the time there was until such a life was lost to this time. Now, it’s imperative that I live in time to keep the life I’m capable, grateful of still having. Venturing out mentally beyond this enclosed space, living vicariously through 15-minute phone calls. Television being the gateway to new information about the latest electronic gadget or tragedy.
A World Separate From Life
A world I’m no longer a part of that ebbs and flows through time different than mine. There’s no scent of a flower or the sound of a bell when walking into the department store. It’s these memories that now sustain life through time that’s mine from actions no one can take back. Yet, that I continue to give back so that life has meaning. That honor may be bestowed on those who have been hurt over time by the life I lived. Please, don’t waste time in the life you have, for the life you have should be worth your time.
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