As miserable as prison is, it can also be pretty entertaining at times. I remember one day when two women were about to “throw down.” One was in her late forties and the other was almost sixty. Both women were eccentric, to say the least.
Well as the “spit boxing” between the two women escalated, we were all wondering if this argument would come to blows. They were only a few feet from each other when, all of a sudden, the older one rips her nightgown over her head.
I was completely taken aback by this development. She did not have one stitch of underwear on underneath. Then she crouched down and began to sway back and forth, urging her adversary to “bring it” even though she was butt naked.
At the time I believed she used this tactic to baffle or befuddle her opponent into submission. It seemed to work, too, because the fully clothed younger inmate said, “Oh, no ma’am,” then did an about face to go back to her bunk. Well, that ended that.
Some of the other ladies didn’t seem as stunned as the rest of us. My bunkie asked a lady who’d been locked up for awhile, “What on Earth did she do that for?”
The lady replied, “In prison fights, sometimes the person you’re fighting will try to pull your shirt or gown over your head to get in several licks while you’re blinded and helplessly entangled in your shirt.”
I was a bit unsettled about this and wondered if this bizarre type of “prison protocol” – if you’d call it that – would be a wise thing to do should I find myself in the same predicament. I think not. Then again, I guess it would depend on how big my opponent is.
I’m pretty easy going and avoid drama. I’ve been locked up for two years and have not had any prison fights yet. However, if the situation should arise, I just may have to use this technique (except I will be wearing undies). If it causes my foe to become puzzled or offended to the point that she flees, then I’ll know I’ve found an effective diversion to add to my arsenal. If not, then I may just get my butt handed to me while “in the buff.”
Christine White is serving 20 years in Texas for Aggravated Robbery.
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