Okay, so I’m going to play Love-Doctor on this subject for those of you who have a boyfriend in prison. I believe that I have the experience (incarcerated for over two decades) under the circumstances to have seen it all, and likely been through most of it as well. So, let me break this down for you all that are seeking to know. But, I am more frank/blunt, explicit and real about it all. So, strap yourselves in.
A lot of times while incarcerated people will reach out and try to communicate with whoever will brighten up their conditions. Sometimes it’s a genuine attempt, sometimes it’s ulterior motives. But, things such as sincerity and genuineness are for you to make a determination on. It should be no difference in your evaluation with a relationship you are engaging in with a convict, then you would consider in a relationship you are having or have had with someone on the outside. We all are humans, and we all have flaws, no
matter where we are, or what our circumstances. But, it’s up to you to decide what is good for you or not.
The biggest issue I see, or have experienced is that people automatically assume that people in prison are just “bad people”. With that frame of mind, it’s a bad foundation in the beginning, and bad foundations make buildings fall. So, first and foremost, before you start wondering if a “prisoner really loves you”, you need to know if you really love that person yourself. Now, this topic was not about is it a good thing to date a prisoner. WE are on the subject of “love”. Which means to me that the relationship is already established. Being as though “love” is the topic, I’m sure that you already enjoy the person who you are seeing and/or communicating with.
If a prisoner only calls you when they need something, does not care about anything about you and your world, then this may be a sign that you are in a situation where you are being used. Most often this happens to women/men who the prisoner is not truly attracted to, or does not truly have a connection with, so instead of terminating the relationship it turns into a usury situation. This is common sense shit, but oftentimes love acts as a barrier to your common sense. So, if “what can you do for me” is the basis for the person saying “I love you too”, then you’re in for a bad ride.
Be on the look out for the “weirdo alert” as well. You know, this also applies to people on the outside. If you ever saw the show “My Strange Addiction”, then know that sometimes that’s what’s being worked with on both ends. Now, it may not be so serious as a person eating couches, or toilet paper, but it could get close to it. If I thought I was in love with someone and I come to find out that she eats mattresses, I may feel a lot a bit different about that situation. I was recently talking to a couple of women who I liked a lot, but they both wanted to pee on me. WTF? No. NO, and No. What the fuck am I a sexy-chocolate toilet with an erection? See, it’s this type of thing that can catch you in the mix and change the game. And I still talk to one of them, the other women ended up being married to another convict the whole time (and I found out he was in the same prison with me the whole time? Did you say slut? Yeah, you did). And I’m not knocking anybody or what they do to safely enjoy their lives, just know that things that are not normal can be issues down the line if they are not addressed or dealt with at the earliest convenience. So, ask about habits, fetishes, addictions, peeves, etc. Don’t wait too long to find out that the person you have an emotional attachment to has “likes” that you can’t deal with.
So, if you know that you can not accept certain things, or if you believe your love-interest may not, I advise you to get to the bottom of that asap. If we can’t accept each other how can we love each other?
Another thing is the criminal life-style. You should want to be sure that the prisoner is done living in the way that lead them to being incarcerated. And, unfortunately for most, prison is a revolving door. My advice would be to really have a heart to heart conversation about what life is now, and what it will be if and/or when the prisoner is released. Everyone deserves a chance. But, if a prisoner is willing to put you through the hardships of a prison relationship again, intentionally, then they can’t love you.
They have chosen crime over you, and that is evidence of no love for you. It may be evidence of no love for themselves as well.
Now, we know it’s a lot of gaming going on in most prison relationships. This is two sided as well. Just like a prisoner may be talking to another person on the outside, the person on the outside may be doing the same thing. So, make sure your loyalty and commitment is sincere first before you seek it from someone else. It’s been times where a prisoner is in a situation where the person who they love and call are even in the bed with another person during the call. “I love you baby”, but it’s another dick in the bed with her. The “Shhhhh, be quiet, my boyfriend is calling me from jail” shit. So, when you enter into a relationship with a person who is incarcerated make sure you know you can handle certain sacrifices, or that you can be open and honest about what is truly going on. Honesty is the best policy. Being real will cause the heart of your loved one to open all the way up to you. Trust me. So, always give the energy you expect to receive.
If you knew this prisoner when they were out, but they paid you no attention, then be on point to figure what has changed. Make sure that you know that the attempt to re-connect is sincere before you allow yourself to become emotionally invested.
Anyway, 100% commitment is the main point of emphasis for both parties. It should all be about you on their end, and it should be about them on your end. It’s levels to relationships, and when you reach a certain level you will know, and you must act accordingly to that level of expectation and commitment.
The expressions, the actions, the ways, the treatment, etc., all of these things will show you that you are loved and cared for, or not. You need to hear it, and feel it, and so does your incarcerated loved one. Love is a gamble no matter who it’s with, and what the conditions are. So, go about it as you would in general. I don’t agree with anyone identifying their love interest as “my jail friend”, “or my husband/wife in prison^ etc. It’s your man/woman, husband/wife, and that’s period. The conditions are not the distinguishing factor. That’s your “Boo”, and that’s that. Where they are does not matter.
Write sexy letters/e-mails, engage in visits, talk sexy, etc. Because these things help you keep a sexual connection even though you can’t actually act on those desires. It helps to maintain focus and dedication of lust to your love interest. You can stick your finger in it, rub on it, and whatever else you have in mind, all while you think of your loved one. And we can do the same. I can get it up and jerk it thinking about my “Boo”. I just would like for her to be involved as best as she can, and as much as she can, Not for nothing, but I feel sorry for whoever I’m with when I get home. She is going to be sore, and tired, a lot. I have twenty plus years of desires built up. So, remember that as well. It’s going to be a lot of action when they get out. Make sure you’re prepared for that, and you are interested in handling it how it needs to be.
Now, go ahead and get your love on. But listen, if they are playing games it’s some real ones in here for you. I’m here myself. Just no pissing and couch eating.
I wish you all the best.
INCARCERATED LIVES MATTER!
Shavez Holden / EF5888
PO Box 33028
St Petersburg, FL 33733